i never want to dream again. sure, it's comforting for a while because, they're my dreams. in my dreams i can fly. in my dreams i'm a sucessful therapist. in my dreams i smoke tobacco and marijuana with no consequences. in my dreams not everyone likes me, but they keep it to their goddamn selves.

   but more importantly, in my dreams i'm with you. you smile at me, you squeeze my hand, you kiss my cheek, you keep a protective hand on my hip. sometimes we make love, sometimes we go to your house and play rock band together. in my dreams we have an amazing relationship, in my dreams you defend me, in my dreams you compliment me. in my dreams you do anything to talk to me, in my dreams you kiss me behind your locker, in my dreams you smile back at me in fifth period. in my dreams we are lovers. so why are my dreams so depressing? simple.

   i wake up. i wake up thinking all i dreamed the night before was completely real. sometimes it takes me hours to realize that something in my dream actually never happened. today it took me until 2pm to realize that i never smoked a cigarette. one time i had a dream that we spent all day together, and especially the whole evening together. after we were, ahem, done, i nestled into your arms and rested my head on your chest. it was so adorable, you kissed my forehead and your heart was pounding. then i actually woke up. i felt around me and looked up. you weren't there.

   this is why every dream to me is so heartbreaking.